Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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